a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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