No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
