U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
