this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
