I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
