My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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