A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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