Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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