If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
