is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
