Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
