they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
