My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
