Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
