Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
