im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
