Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
