My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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