Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize