i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
