I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
