in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
