Soap is not a condiment
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
