So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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