Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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