Plan B is the new Plan A
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
