i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
