As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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