it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
