the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
