Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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