Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
