You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
