The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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