Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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