LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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