I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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