Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize