maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
