When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
