Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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