Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
