my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
