11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
