Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
