Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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