After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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