And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
