he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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