I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
