we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
COCAINE IS GR8
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
