You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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