dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
