i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
