i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
