I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
