My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize