OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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