we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
