How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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